1. 2 years ago 
    So, today I went over to a friend’s house and made love to him. All of this comes without saying that I’m in love with another, but the thought of him never loving me back has apparently driven me to a dark enough place that I can go out and sabbotage any chance I’d ever have with him. I don’t care if everyone reading this now hates me because of the choices I’ve made. My heart is beating fast, my palms are sweaty, and I feel like I might throw up. I love him so fucking much it’s driving me mad, but I ironically feel better now, knowing what I have done. It makes me feel a little distant from him, which is what I was aiming for. even though I feel some lunacy peering through. If I can fall out of love with him, then I’ll feel right again.

    So, today I went over to a friend’s house and made love to him. All of this comes without saying that I’m in love with another, but the thought of him never loving me back has apparently driven me to a dark enough place that I can go out and sabbotage any chance I’d ever have with him.

    I don’t care if everyone reading this now hates me because of the choices I’ve made. My heart is beating fast, my palms are sweaty, and I feel like I might throw up. I love him so fucking much it’s driving me mad, but I ironically feel better now, knowing what I have done. It makes me feel a little distant from him, which is what I was aiming for. even though I feel some lunacy peering through.

    If I can fall out of love with him, then I’ll feel right again.

     

  2. Notes

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(just a 21 year old girl trying to find myself.)

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